Abandoning God... And Discovering That God Believes In You
Are You There God? It's Me, Scott (Part Three)
(Warning: Spoilers ahead!)
Rabbi Abraham Isaac HaKohen Kook, who was one of the the most important and influential Jewish thinkers of the past 150 years, wrote that there is a form of belief that is, in actuality, atheism, just as there is a type of atheism that is, in fact, belief.
When people maintain foolish notions of God that don’t stand up to intellectual scrutiny, then this object of their worship is nothing more than a product of their imaginations, with no relationship with the divine reality. Thus they believe in something… but it has nothing to do with God Himself. They consider themselves believers, but they’re closer to atheists.
Similarly, when people reject God because they only know foolish ideas about Him perpetuated by shallow religion, and realize that this is a god whom they cannot accept, their unbelief arises from a deeper recognition that God cannot be as small as He is often made out to be. If “shallow god” is the only god on the menu, they are right to reject him. Accordingly, their denial is not heresy, but a correct repudiation of “not God.” In this sense, their atheism (at least subconsciously) is a healthy phenomenon that indicates a deeper understanding of what God actually must be.
Which leads us back, once again, to Margaret.
In my first post about the film Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret, I wrote that Margaret intuitively recognized that true prayer involves communing with a Presence who is also a Personality, and that God’s answer is less important than the process of communication itself. I also proposed that at times, a negative answer to our prayers is more conducive to developing an authentic relationship with God than having God answer yes. The unanswered prayer can lead to greater commitment to fulfilling our purpose of bettering ourselves and the world around us, rather than relying on God to do the work on our behalf.
In my second post about the movie, I argued that Margaret lost her faith because religion was presented as the only conduit for God, and the religion that she witnessed was shallow, self-centered, and arrogant. Shallow religion failed her, and because it claimed to be God’s representative, God apparently had failed her, too. Margaret, in line with Rav Kook’s view about atheism, was right to reject the shallow god of shallow religion.
Margaret did not want to reject God; she only did so after religion and its immature understanding of God failed her. Her teacher, Mr. Benedict, reading Margaret’s report, understood that Margaret’s lack of belief was not something she wanted, and he called after her with concern as she left his desk. Margaret didn’t turn around, but instead rushed out from the classroom into the hallway and then to the bathroom, where she burst into tears. Her abandonment of God was far from triumphant. It was the result of what she believed was God’s abandonment of her. And that abandonment left her feeling more alone than ever before. She grieved her lost relationship with God.
But within this disbelief were planted the seeds of a renewed and deeper faith. The words she used to conclude her letter to Mr. Benedict represented the beginning of a new phase of growth, and ultimately a renewed relationship with God. Margaret wrote, “I don’t know anymore; I think that maybe the truth is there’s nobody up there. There’s nobody listening. There’s only just me.” And that phrase contains the root of her redemption - and the reality that her feeling of abandonment was in fact God’s believing in her.
There is a well-known story that represents another attitude toward atheism that is different from Rav Kook’s, even as it complements it. Rabbi Jonathan Sacks tells that story in the following words:
“Do you believe,” the disciple asked the Rabbi, “that God created everything for a purpose?”
“I do,” replied the Rabbi.
“Well,” asked the disciple, “why did God create atheists?”
The Rabbi paused before giving an answer, and when he spoke his voice was soft and intense. “Sometimes we who believe, believe too much. We see the cruelty, the suffering, the injustice in the world and we say: ‘This is the will of God.’ We accept what we should not accept. That is when God sends us atheists to remind us that what passes for religion is not always religion. Sometimes what we accept in the name of God is what we should be fighting against in the name of God.”
Despite the fact that Margaret originally believed in God, her belief was flawed because it was selfish. Her prayers were entirely for herself, and her actions were largely self-centered. She and her friends mocked some of their classmates, and jumped to conclusions based on external appearances. (Of course we need to cut her some slack; she was only eleven years old.) Margaret believed in God, but she in no way used her belief in God to try to make the world better.
Once Margaret rejected God, she internalized the concept that “There’s only just me,” and became a better, more giving person. This was exemplified at her sixth grade graduation. First she thanks Mr. Benedict, telling him that he’s a wonderful teacher. When he deflects her words, Margaret insists on paying him that compliment, leaving him visibly pleased. Margaret then sees her friends in the distance… but instead of joining them, she asks Laura Danker if she wants to dance. Laura was the class misfit because she had become physically mature long before the other girls in the class, and Margaret and her friends had spread cruel rumors about her behind her back. Margaret’s asking Laura to join her on the dance floor (along with Laura’s incredulous reply, “Really?” followed by Margaret’s insistent, “Yes!”) represents Margaret’s emergence from her selfish consciousness, and the beginning of an other-centered existence. Once Margaret and Laura started dancing, others joined in, as well. Margaret’s initial act of kindness had reverberations that echoed beyond it, as a formerly shunned classmate was suddenly treated with respect and affection.
Not surprisingly, as Margaret begins to improve, her world starts to improve, as well. Most obviously (and remember, this is essentially a children’s movie) she gets her first period just before she leaves for camp. Margaret had longed for this moment, and its occurrence was the answer to Margaret’s most intense prayers to God throughout the film. As she stands in front of the bathroom mirror, giggling and crying at the same time, Margaret renews her prayers to God - this time, in the final line in the movie, in thanks:
Are you still there God? It’s me, Margaret. Thanks. Thanks an awful lot.
As Margaret rejected God and religion, she started fulfilling her divinely ordained role in the world. God believed in Margaret, and Margaret rewarded His belief by becoming less self-centered, and no longer relying on God to solve all of her problems - and this, ironically, made it more likely that God would respond positively to her earlier requests. As our Sages commented in Masechet Berachot 55a: “Anyone who lengthens his prayer and investigates it, will likely come to heartsickness.” Rashi explains that “investigates it'' means that he believes that God has no choice but to answer him affirmatively, given that he prayed with such great concentration. But God does not have to do anything; God is a free agent, and doesn’t bow to the whims of anyone. When we recognize that God may answer no, and that He relies upon us - has faith in us - to make the world a place permeated with kindness and love, we have embarked upon a mature relationship with God; and the prayer that contains within it the realization that God may be silent, is the prayer that God is more likely to answer positively.
Are you still there God? It’s me, Margaret.
Yes, God is still there. He was there all along. He was waiting for Margaret to break open her shell, and begin to act with kindness. Once she did so, God’s faith in Margaret was rewarded, just as Margaret’s faith in God was renewed. May we all merit to create deep and lasting relationships with God - relationships predicated upon the knowledge that God believes in us, too.